Fear

Well, I guess my first post will be about something that prevails in our lives from time to time, that is, fear. Whether our fears are over little things, like my fear of pigeons (comes from nearly getting attacked by about a dozen) to fears over moving, a terminal illness, or leaving home- fear is something we all have whether we admit it or not. Lately I've been feeling God pushing me to grow deeper into my spiritual journey, and I'll admit I've been afraid. I'm only 22 so sometimes I think to myself, you know I'm awful young why don't I just go out, have fun, and do what I want for a little while-then I'll start listening to God afterwards. OK I guess you could say I did that a few months ago and continued to throughout most of Lent. My problem was a guy that I was talking to who was definetly an interference with my spiritual journey. I thought to myself, hey this is cool, date someone who is completly different then what you are used to. So I did, and boy was that a mistake. I knew God was trying to lead me away from him and the things I was getting myself into- I can't tell you how many times my phone went dead (even broke once) during the times we would text back and forth for endless hours..I mean we did talk on the phone and hang out a lot, but whenever we would text my phone would always end up in the toilet (not literally of course). Why didn't I listen to God or stop and think of the poor choices I was making? I think a big part was fear, pride too of course, but fear was a major deterrent to my relationship with God during that time. I was afraid that if I didn't engage in this rebellion, I would miss out on a lot of what life had to offer me. Sounds pretty dumb right? Well, the past month or so I've been slowing down and getting back to where I used to be in my faith, because I realized that my fear was only causing me to be like a deer in the headlights..I wasn't making any progress, actually I was regressing, and ultimately I was unhappy. Do I regret anything that I did in between then and now?? Well, I regret I decided to put God on the back burner in order to "enjoy life," and I regret the fact that I didn't "know better." I don't regret the fact that I learned enjoying life doesn't mean you have to rebel, turn away from God, and ditch all of His plans for you. I figure this world isn't out to make you happy, and I guess thats what I was seeking ultimately..This world doesn't love us like God does, because this world did not offer its life for our sake. This may sound cliche but I realized that because God loves us so much that He died for us, obviously His plans are intended to make us happy- so why turn away from that? Why be afraid of something thats ultimately supposed to wipe away fear?? One thing my pastor quotes from a lady he knows is that 'fear is a lack of faith.' And wow, I can't think of anything more truthful than that. I guess I was lacking faith in God's love and didn't think I'd have any fun--after all, girls just want to have fun ;) But I'm back, and probably stronger in my faith than I was before my little retaliation, and Im happy that I've grown from the fact that the grass is definetly not greener in our culture's plans for us.

Well... There goes my first mindless rambling on something pertaining to the faith ;)