?

Who knew forgiveness could be so hard at times. When you think you've accomplished this feight something comes up and reminds you of the person you need to forgive--and you ask yourself, have I really forgiven this person? For me, it all goes back to a few months ago when I was involved with someone who wasnt the best for me. Right around now I cant help but be confronted with this person because theyre on t.v.! Once I asked a priest about forgiveness, and said that it is not as cut and dry and easy as it may seem- that is..Forgive the person and forget. You really can never forget what happened, you can't it is virtually impossible. And if anyone has figured out how you do so I'd like to know the secret. But I was told by this priest that forgiveness is a process..Which seems to be a conclusion that any reasonable person could draw--but remember, this blog is called "Journeys of a Prodigal"..No journies of a smart person, journies of a saint/angel/mystic (and even in saints cases, the prodigal is often true before their latter lives as saints). I guess the thing is that you can say "I've forgiven this person," as, Im not going to hold any ill thoughts towards them, seek revenge, or hold on to bitterness and anger. Of course it may still hurt to think of this person or be reminded of this person, but thats an internal struggle which must be brought to God.

No matter how much I pray...How hard I try..I feel like I just cant live up to God's expectations for me.Or maybe theyre my own expectations?

Goodnesss

Goodness its been what...Nearly 2 months since I last updated this blog? Well gee lets see whats happened since then..Well, no one has died-which is a good thing. No ones been born-thank god cuz that would be unexpected..Hearts havent been broken, so, I'd say these past 2 months have been great. Although there is one really traumatic event that hits people once a year..And its happening to me a week from today..A week from today I'll be 23, and I cant seem to stop thinking about it. Birthdays are always rough for me, as are any holidays. They are that way just because they're days when things feel a bit out of the ordinary. For some reason, I don't really like that feeling. They're also a bit shakey for the same reason New Years is for me-its a time to reflect. OK most folks probably don't look that much into their birthdays and derive that much meaning or analysis from it-but I do. I often reflect on where I was planning to be at this age and in reality where I am. When I was about 13 I always imagined that I would be married and have a full time job by now-Im farrrr from that. Am I upset because I didnt fulfill my dream from when I was 13? Do I feel like a failure? Not at all. I think I've allwoed God to work in me-most of the time-and lead me to where I am today. For some folks "the rest of your life" seems so clear cut-either you get married or enter the religious life-but for some like me, its a bit more rocky. Its all good though---Good, character building rocky ground =)

YA I FIGURED OUT MY USERNAME AND PASSWORD!

Mission impossible becomes HELL YEAH I DID IT!! Well, today I went to mass which was being said in Latin and it was the old traditional Pre-Vatican council of 1964 stuff..At first I thought I wouldnt be to fond of it..But let me just say--as long and as hot as it was in that little church, and as pathetic as I felt receiving Communion by the tongue and not hands--it was the most beautiful mass I have ever been to. I think much of the beauty came from the reverence people had for the Celebration of the Eucharist- they weren't wearing their Daisy Dukes, and, there was much kneeling and genuflecting. The nuns and brothers singing had beautiful voices. It was awesome. =) well .. I have a migraine..So ill type more lataahhh

oops...forgot my password to the blog :( st anthony pray for me

Mass today

Well I went to mass this morning because I didn't have to work early, and Im glad I did. As I usually am. The gospel was about Jesus saying that as we follow Him, be prepared to have our mothers/fathers/siblings/etc. as our enemies. I've heard this gospel many times, and until now I really couldn't get a grasp on why Jesus would say something like that. I understand that people who are faithful to the Church and to Christ are misunderstood/marginalized/persecuted..Call it what you want...But family? Come on now. But then the seminarian whose staying at my church for the summer said that if our family gets in the way of us growing closer to God, then they may be our enemies. And I guess as I get older and I expand my mind a bit more Im not viewing things as black or white- that is, when I was younger and heard this gospel I thought that it literally meant that if you said you loved God and wanted to serve him family members would become automatic enemies..Now in many cases this does happen, but how about if we don't come right out and say "I want to be a better Catholic..Or I want to grow closer to Jesus.." But instead, we turn our actions around and stop becoming so focused on gaining wealth, prestige, and begin to see this life as passing away- how might people react? I can testify to the fact that some family members might be a bit weirded out and distance themselves...And I guess the point is if that becomes a deterrant to our faith then its by that our family members are our enemies. And I know in Jesus' time the word "brother" or "sister" could mean any close relative or friend..So I wonder if the same holds true for the word "family?" Perhaps that includes close friends/mentors/etc..I dont know. But, thats my 2 cents on today =)

Gym

OK folks, I go to the gym nearly every day..Hoping to achieve that perfect body, that body that is seen on magazines, on t.v., etc..I burn at least 300 calories a day, but, I never seem to achieve the results I want. So, I've been going tanning after my workouts in hopes on achieving something...Something desirable.. But, never happens. I was thinking of this just now because first of all, Im getting ready to go to the gym. Second of all, I was at a class that the seminarian/deacon we have at my church is giving. Its on Genesis and we were reading the beginning when there was the tree of Good and Bad and yada yada yada.. Well, Eve obviously listens to Satan and wishes to become like God so she eats that stuff from the bad tree. I guess maybe even perfection (Garden of Eden) wasn't good enough for her. She wanted to find something new and enticing. Well, I feel like that sometimes. I feel God's love and presence in my life even moreso since I've been going to adoration on a daily basis, but sometimes things just arent good enough. I take matters into my own hands to try and make my life a Garden of Eden sort of place, yet fail because a human's ideas of perfection are quite different from God's.

found itttt!! =)

I Have a Problem

by
Ray Comfort






Father, I have a problem.
It's weighing heavy on me.
It's all I can think about,
night and day.



Before I bring it to you in prayer.
I suppose I should pray for those
who are less fortunate than me--




Those in this world who have
hardly enough food for this day,
and for those who don't have
a roof over their heads at night.



I also pray for families
who have lost loved ones
in sudden death,
for parents whose children
have leukemia,
for the many people who are
dying of brain tumors,
for the hundreds of thousands
who are laid waste with
other terrible cancers,
for people whose bodies
have been suddenly
shattered in car wrecks,
for those who are lying
in the hospital with agonizing
burns over their bodies,
whose faces have been
burned beyond recognition.



I pray for people with emphysema,
whose eyes fill with terror
as they struggle for every
breath merely to live,
for those who are tormented
beyond words by irrational fears,
for the elderly who are wracked
with the pains of aging,
whose only "escape" is death.



I pray for people who are watching
their loved ones fade before their eyes
through the grief of Alzheimer's disease,
for the many thousands
who are suffering
the agony of AIDS,
for those who are in such despair
they are about to commit suicide,
for people who are tormented
by the demons of
alcoholism and drug addiction.



I pray for children
who have been abandoned
by their parents,
for those who are sexually abused,
for wives held in quiet despair,

beaten and abused by
cruel and drunken husbands,
for people whose minds
have been destroyed
by mental disorders,
for those who have lost everything
in floods, tornadoes,
hurricanes, and earthquakes.



I pray for the blind,
who never see the faces
of the ones they love,
or the beauty of a sunrise,
for those whose bodies are
horribly deformed by painful arthritis, for the many whose lives
will be taken from them today
by murderers,
for those wasting away
on their death beds.



Most of all,
I cry out for the millions
who don't know the forgiveness
that is in Jesus Christ...
for those who in a moment of time
will be swept into Hell
by the cold hand of death,
and find to their utter
horror the unspeakable
vengeance of eternal fire.
They will be eternally damned
to everlasting punishment.



Oh God, I pray for them.





Strange....



I can't seem to remember
what my problem was,,,,,,





In Jesus' name I pray...Amen!

I find that children can be much more reasonable than adults.

Never make someone a priority when they only make you an option.

ATTENTION fellow bloggers..I have strep throat,so that means you poor darlings will not get an update on my faith life for another day or so..hang tight

currently...i feel like death on 2 legs

I did it!

I woke up with plenty of time to spare before work! Well, I had a really sore throat so I guess that didn't help me with sleeping--I hope I didnt catch that from a certain someone, you know who you are! JK :) Well anyways, I was online just now and ran across something that reminded me of a time in my life that I can now look back on and say "What the hell was I thinking?" YOu know, we all do it-make stupid decisions. Sometimes we can easily move on from those stupid decisions, assuming they don't land us in a wheel chair- but other times its a little bit more difficult to forgive yourself for certain actions. Forgiving other people is definetly hard, but sometimes forgiving yourself is a whole different animal. Im not saying that I haven't forgiven myself for certain mistakes I've made in my life, because I do go to confession just about every week, and that certainly helps in the department of "forgiving yourself." I guess its realizing that if God can forgive even the hardest of hearts, He can forgive you as well. And I figure if God can forgive me, why would it be so hard for a simple person (compared to God) to forgive themself. I guess a lot of it is a long the lines of the expectations we hold for ourselves, our self esteem, etc. I don't really know. But I just figured I'd start a blog topic on that.

O-B-A-M-A

Voting is a great thing people in America are allotted....But I notice a lot of times we don't have complete freedom over who to vote for..Its a very biased process, where you have people trying to sway you this way and that- theres really no clear way to just go and make up your own mind. Its actually kinda like trying to find a good newspaper to read- theres always gonna be a bias to the article. Theres no doubt about it..A lot of times I'll admit that I get sick and tired of trying to do the good Catholic thing and vote on behalf of the issues that matter. I didn't vote for Obama, I settled for the lesser of the two evils- Mccain.. Neither really appealed to me- McCain had a weak campaign, and, well where theres Obama theres Oprah...And Hillary Rotten Clinton.. Well, I mention politics because there is this priest out there, Fr. Frank Pavone, who sent out a newsletter for the Priests for Life following the election (don't ask why I get "priests for life newsletters-i just do)..In his newsletter Father mentioned something like the majority of Catholics voted for Obama because the favored such and such over human life.. Really, why did the majority of Catholics vote for Obama? Perhaps the same reason the majority of Catholics are Catholic in name only, and the majority don't believe in the True Presence?? Really-they voted for Obama because of a lack of connection to the faith.
Maybe there were some faithful Catholics who voted for Obama for other reasons. I have a couple of friends who are die-hard pro-life Democrats (oxymoron!)who did vote for Obama. They are Democrats because they feel as though Republicans don't help in regards to social justice and poverty..Well, as a Republican I would of course have to find reasons to disagree with that and what not..But thats not what Im setting out to do right now.. I guess the thing is my friends had good intentions when they voted for Obama-they didnt vote in hopes that thousands more babies would die, but so that other people may have a chance to have food on their table and a home. Now will that happen under Obama's reign? Probably not, but, I guess my point is I hate it when people are quick to point the finger at what folks didnt do, and don't bother to see the meaning behind their actions. Is voting for Obama the wisest decision? Hell, is even nominating Obama a wise decision?? I don't know. Only God really knows. But hes here and we need to learn to deal with it- hence I took Spanish in case Hillary got more power, therefore I shall move to Spain.. :) ADIOS!!!

Martyrs

Well the other day was a feast day of Sts Peter and Paul..Since they're martyrs it got me to thinking about the kind of faith one would have to have to die for God..I'll be honest-I don't think I could ever do it. I'd probably run away, then of course feel guilty for it. Well I cant even begin to think of the kind of love and faith one would have to have in order to be willing to give their entire self for God, and in many cases the death wasnt without torture. I guess in many respects its not so much the love for God, but its the strength and selflessness that the love of God provides for one that helps them to do that...Wow..Well, hopefully I won't be subject to martyrdom anytime soon becuase that would really suck.

haha

RIP

Infomercials just wont be the same without Billy Mays :(

oh forgot!

My last...

My last post was a bit pathetic I admit..Its OK though..Just a slight human moment :) It was completly unoriginal-because I hop on to facebook and "RIP Michael Jackson..Farrah Fawcett.. [Ed McMahon]." Was everywhere. I failed to recognize Ed McMahon, simply because Im holding on to a grudge since he never showed up at my house with balloons and a big check with my name and one million dollah on it. It will pass eventually though. Nothing a little confession, penance, and prayer can't fix :) Anyhow..I was looking over some news, and noticed an article pretty much freaking out over Anne Coulter's comment on the murder of abortion doctor, something Tiller..I forget his first name, so sue me. Well anyhow, it was bitching about how she mentioned that they had killed Tiller in his something-hundreth trimester. People were pretty pissed off with Coulter's words about the whole situation. What people failed to recognize was that Coulter stated that she didn't condone the killers- but just the fact that she was making a statement to question the idea of just when does life begin? When we kill a child in its first trimester, its pretty much the same as killing a person in their 100th trimester. While Coulter can be a bit to blunt for me sometimes, she had a point. And I guess the whole argument irks me because people seem to be able to rip into conservatives so freely, while bashing a liberal is much less tolerated. Liberals are often seen as "progressive" and the "open-minded" folks who support the people...I guess liberals have convinced us that was is different these days seems to be the "politically correct" way to be, whereas being a conservative and opposing certain views is simply rude and intolerant (and homophobic). Well, I'll write more later. Maybe.

This has nothing to do with my faith as a Catholic..but as a fan of the entertainment biz :(

Well....As many of you know, this is one of the saddest days in entertainment history..I woke up to "Farrah Fawcett, dead at 62.." well, I saw that one coming. But I come home to "Michael Jackson, dead at 50." OK, I know M.J. is known for his sketchyness and poor decisions, but he is a legend in the entertainment biz!! He was a great performer, had great songs, and he never bit a bat's head off or took out one of his ribs (as far as I know).. Does that make him a good person?? I don't know..But, I know theres a lot more artists out there who are just as sketchy-but, they don't have the music that matches Jackson's...So, lets hear it for Fawcett and Jackson!! And, to make this Catholic related I will pray for there souls at prayer group..

RIP Farreh Fawcett :(

My fav quote by her: "The reason that the all-American boy prefers beauty to brains is that he can see better than he can think." gahhh another great star of the good old times gone to God..

Sin

Well this is gonna be a short post because it has been one of those days where by about 5 pm I am feeling like in 70 and need to go to bed. I think its more of a caffeine crash, I didn't fit my 4 o'clock coffee break in there today, but thats OK. Well, I've been thinking lately about humility, etc etc..I actually wrote a little bit about it in my faith journey journal and was gonna post it on the blog, but, as I mentioned before I'm to tired to write a novel tonight. So I'm going to say I've been thinking of humility, and of course pride is one of those seven deadly sins..But I've been wondering, where does sin begin?? Does it begin with temptation?? No, because temptation is the pre-thought type thing to sin..Its like Eve with the "I want that apple but God said don't touch it.." And then she touches it, theres step one..She eats it...Theres step two...And BAM! She is cursed with wearing ugly figs and painful childbirth and what not for the rest of her life-and she cursed all of women with the same thing! Love you too Eve :) Well, ok, Im beginning to digress-awful habit of mine..Well, anyways, I think sin starts when we begin to view ourselves as God. Now this doesn't necessarily happen in an overt way, you know, one day we wake up and say "I'm God and I'll do whatever I want!!" Nope, it happens in small ways..We're given all these devices these days that make us feel in control of our lives--cell phones, pda's, gps', iphones, and the American vote..All of which are good things..But they are definetly things that can lead us to sin because they give us that sense of control in our lives. And its a false sense of control..Well ok im not so sure where I'm going with this but I'm just going to type anyways. OK well I am just saying that sin begins when we think that this false sense of control is making out lives run smoothly-and it doesn't necessarily have to come from the devices I mentioned before..With the apple, or whatever it was, Eve felt almost like a god--she was touching that forbidden thing, she was going to that place where she really wasn't supposed to be going in life.. And she ended up losing it in the end (not in a literal sense.but..you know--losing that perfection, etc etc)..OK well this is starting to turn into a novel and I will write more later :)

i think health care reform is absurd...perhaps i should just pack my bags and move to korea?

funny funny funny..have i told ya'll how much i low sarah haskins??

Tempers...Tempers...Tempers...

OK well I must confess a fault I have: I can have a horrible temper.. No Im not the type of person who will explode, blow up, or flip out on someone (most of the time). My temper is subdued a bit, but I tend to tell people off. Silent treatment isn't how I roll. So at work today I got a bit pissed off because someone told my aide something about what was going on before they came to me and told me. It was quite petty actually, but, I guess I was moreso frustrated with something else and just got a bit more irked in this situation..But anyhow- as a Catholic I find it hard sometimes to justify being angry and expressing it. I think that Catholics are taught to always be patient, obedient, docile, etc. So when I do get angry and tell someone off I feel bad- because I feel like it is completly unCatholic.. But then I think of the time Jesus flipped the tables over and started freaking out on the people in the temple selling stuff--see even Jesus had a bit of a temper too! Right?? Well when is freaking out just?? I guess not in a situation where pride is involved...lives are at stake(I guess war would be the ultimate "flip out," but sometimes could be just), or the reasoning is just plain dumb. Well, I guess thats my thought for the day..And I decided it would be worthy of a blog post.

LOLOLOLOLOL

Whenever I've had a rough day theres adoration...running...and then theres Sarah Haskins.

good news blog readers! i found out i only need to be in the 12th percentile for math for my master's program...9 more percents to go..better than 47!

Honesty: if i've learned one thing in life..its that honesty and straightforwardness are rare..so,im gonna try to work on those for myself

AHHAHAHA I LOVE SARAH HASKINS!!

gotta love sarah haskins

Headacchhhheee

Dude..I woke up with the worst headache this morning..No, I didn't do anything last night that would've caused this-but it sure felt like I did. Well, ok, since this is supposed to be a Catholic blog I guess I should relate it to the faith..How does one relate having a headache to their faith? Well, I get a lot of headaches, and they aren't just small ones that some tylenol will take care of. I get them to the point where I need to stay in and can't go out. Sucks. But anyways, I guess sometimes when I get a headache it reminds me of how bad off I could be. Most of the time it goes away over night and Im fine the next day- but theres lots of folks out there who aren't that lucky. I see it all the time as an occupational therapy student, in fact I've experienced a little bit of it myself when I broke my hip several years ago. Let me just say there is nothing more humbling than not being able to get up out of bed to do simple tasks- and needing someone else to do it for you. I guess having experienced a bit of that myself helps me to emphathize with patients, I don't know. But anyways, having a headache really helps me to remember how much God has blessed me. And I think theres lots of folks out there who feel the same way when they've gotten hurt or had an illness of some sort. Not only can I get out of bed in the morning and make it to the bathroom without help, I can turn the channel when Oprah comes on and I can run around with the children at work--I guess the point is what more can one ask for?? Sometimes I feel as though I have more than what I deserve but less than what I desire, and its really pretty selfish I guess to want more when I already have more than what a lot of folks out there have. OK well thats my mindless rambling for today..I'll post more on this later :)

TGIF- that phrase often reminds me I tend to neglect thanking God for everything I have-and only say "thank God" when its Friday.

Fear

Well, I guess my first post will be about something that prevails in our lives from time to time, that is, fear. Whether our fears are over little things, like my fear of pigeons (comes from nearly getting attacked by about a dozen) to fears over moving, a terminal illness, or leaving home- fear is something we all have whether we admit it or not. Lately I've been feeling God pushing me to grow deeper into my spiritual journey, and I'll admit I've been afraid. I'm only 22 so sometimes I think to myself, you know I'm awful young why don't I just go out, have fun, and do what I want for a little while-then I'll start listening to God afterwards. OK I guess you could say I did that a few months ago and continued to throughout most of Lent. My problem was a guy that I was talking to who was definetly an interference with my spiritual journey. I thought to myself, hey this is cool, date someone who is completly different then what you are used to. So I did, and boy was that a mistake. I knew God was trying to lead me away from him and the things I was getting myself into- I can't tell you how many times my phone went dead (even broke once) during the times we would text back and forth for endless hours..I mean we did talk on the phone and hang out a lot, but whenever we would text my phone would always end up in the toilet (not literally of course). Why didn't I listen to God or stop and think of the poor choices I was making? I think a big part was fear, pride too of course, but fear was a major deterrent to my relationship with God during that time. I was afraid that if I didn't engage in this rebellion, I would miss out on a lot of what life had to offer me. Sounds pretty dumb right? Well, the past month or so I've been slowing down and getting back to where I used to be in my faith, because I realized that my fear was only causing me to be like a deer in the headlights..I wasn't making any progress, actually I was regressing, and ultimately I was unhappy. Do I regret anything that I did in between then and now?? Well, I regret I decided to put God on the back burner in order to "enjoy life," and I regret the fact that I didn't "know better." I don't regret the fact that I learned enjoying life doesn't mean you have to rebel, turn away from God, and ditch all of His plans for you. I figure this world isn't out to make you happy, and I guess thats what I was seeking ultimately..This world doesn't love us like God does, because this world did not offer its life for our sake. This may sound cliche but I realized that because God loves us so much that He died for us, obviously His plans are intended to make us happy- so why turn away from that? Why be afraid of something thats ultimately supposed to wipe away fear?? One thing my pastor quotes from a lady he knows is that 'fear is a lack of faith.' And wow, I can't think of anything more truthful than that. I guess I was lacking faith in God's love and didn't think I'd have any fun--after all, girls just want to have fun ;) But I'm back, and probably stronger in my faith than I was before my little retaliation, and Im happy that I've grown from the fact that the grass is definetly not greener in our culture's plans for us.

Well... There goes my first mindless rambling on something pertaining to the faith ;)